Reading Journal 1 - Scope of Realism Toward Romanticism

English Composition Class (Senior)
Reading "The Student" by Anton Chekhov
Reflective Essay #1
Feb. 13, 2013 (revised in Feb. 17, 2013)

"The Student" - Scope of Realism Toward Romanticism

The short story “The Student” by Anton Chekhov is such a renowned piece that it has created several issues and debates about the message and the theme imposed on the writing. Besides from his use of vocabulary, the plot itself is quite a complicated one, yet simple and short in length.

The overall summary of “The Student” is about a pious experience of Ivan, the son of a sacristan, who suddenly perceives the power of his words throughout his storytelling. He, after going out to hunting, visits the house of two widows (a mom and a daughter) on his way to home and tell them the story of Apostle Peter in the Bible. While warming his body by sitting aside to the fire, he unwinds the story of Apostle Peter, who denied his knowing of Jesus three times at the last night before the death of Jesus. By telling this story, Ivan made two widows cry, and as he walks out of the place, he feels great catharsis in that he made two widows share their tears.

Recognizing the fact that the genre, especially on the category of realism, of this writing was on the debate, this essay would like to add a further step on the issue about whether it is appropriate to view this literature as realism literature. Though it may not be correct to define a piece of writing and characterize it certainly as a writing of one genre in a holistic manner, this essay would like to provide opinions and supporting claims on viewing this literal piece as a realism writing by focusing on the theme implied and the plot implanted in the writing.

Part. 1               Stuffs in general: Realism and Romanticism – Depiction of the reality

First time reading this writing makes some readers to wonder the message within this short delineation of man’s storytelling. My first impression of this story was, “so what?” What is the meaning of this writing? What did Anton intend?

As I drilled into this chain of thoughts, at the end I began to question whether there should be any tangible meaning in the writing. And I also started to criticize upon my limited scope of the perception for the word “meaning.”

Meaning

Approaching to the profound analysis of the word “meaning”, two subjects should be involved in order to clarify the definition. Meaning can be created by either a writer or a reader. For the former one, meaning created by a writer is may be called an intention, and the latter one, meaning created by a reader, may be called an interpretation. Among these two, this essay will focus on the meaning intended by the writer.

There can be numerous and various categories for the meaning to be put into, but the category I would like to focus here is about the depiction: Sincerity in portraying the reality.

Depiction

Since what we perceive is from the reality, what we write is inevitably derived from our daily life. Therefore, the consideration about the depiction of our reality on the writing is no doubt a gist to analyzing a piece.

Tragedy and Comedy

Writer with his/her perception of the reality portrays, or sometimes creates the world of his own. Depending on the writer, the world that the writer created could be either honestly portrayed or deluded and distorted, exaggerated differently from the actual reality. The movement of depicting reality in tilted angle had developed from thousands of years ago, from Greeks who enjoyed tragedy and comedy in their plays. Their plays often aroused sympathy and dreadful challenges for protagonists in the branch of tragedy, or often evoked humors and satires among situations generated in their reality by giving a plot of the rise of in the fortune of the main character, in the name of comedy. Though the tone of these two genres seems to mark completely distinguishable area, they had one thing in common: they distorted and exaggerated the reality.

Romanticism

This tendency in the Literature was well descended to the major school of literature in 17^th century, Romanticism. Romanticism literature refers to a literary movement and an array of literature lasted from about 1789 to 1832. Romanticism literature is characterized by its focus on sensational approach to our mundane lives, capturing the sentiments and evoking emotions in an extraordinary manner from our everyday lives. As the notion “romanticism” implies, it embellishes our common experience and uplifts the spirit or delivers a lesson in the writing.

Until the day of Realism to come, it would be appropriate to claim that there was some distance between the literature and the actual reality: Literature did not play a role of an honest portrayal of reality, but instead acted as a distorted depiction.

Realism

Behold, for the most relevant and important notion of this essay has come. Realism in literary term refers to a movement and the ideology of writing in which familiar, ordinary aspects of life are portrayed in a matter of fact, straightforward manner designed to reflect life as it actually is.

Main difference between realism and any other genre [school] of literature is that realism depicts the reality in honest sense, as the notion itself implies. So if any other literary movement was like a [picture of the reality], realism was like a [photograph of the reality].

Part. 2               Realism in “The Student” by Anton Chekhov

           Coming back to the discussion about the piece “The Student”, whether to view this writing as realism writing is controversial, mainly because of its portrayal of religious theme touching the sentiment of two widows in the story and the consequent catharsis that the protagonist feels. Since the sentiment portrayal of ordinary life and transfiguring them to extraordinary experience was a part closely related to Romanticism, some would even go over to claim that this piece is based on the romanticism. Projecting this array of doubts and rebutting them, this essay will confirm that this short story is realism writing.

Q1. Is it legitimate for realism writing to describe unconventional event? (Especially religious catharsis in this story)

           This story is based on the religious catharsis that one student feels in his storytelling. Since realism takes its root on accuracy and honesty of the depiction, this uncommon event and seemingly overdramatizing reaction of the protagonist seem to delude its realism characteristic.

           For my personal opinion, I think even this romanticism-like event come to play a part as a realism element. Just because we live ordinary lives doesn’t mean that we can’t have dramatic or tragic moment. Take for instance, the moment of death or love. Those themes do not obstruct realism to pass on: Though the theme may be dramatic, if the portrayal and description does not go beyond to dramatize the event, it may be still valid as realism writing. Realism may not be about dramatizing, but possibly can be about dramatic moments. The important thing is how and in what manner the story is portrayed, not the theme itself.

          

Q2. Can realism writing be optimistic?

           In the story “The Student”, there is an epic change in the mood and the tone of the protagonist. In the early part of the story, narrator depicts on the gloomy condition of the day: AT first the weather was fine and still. The thrushes were calling, and in the swamps close by something alive droned pitifully with a sound like blowing into an empty bottle. A snipe flew by, and the shot aimed at it rang out with a gay, resounding note in the spring air. But when it began to get dark in the forest a cold, penetrating wind blew inappropriately from the east, and everything sank into silence. Needles of ice stretched across the pools, and it felt cheerless, remote, and lonely in the forest. There was a whiff of winter.

           However, contrary to the tranquil manner of description in the first paragraph, story changes its mood and tone into more bright and cherishing one as the protagonist feels the gayness after he delivered tear-sharing story, as the narrator mentions that “joy stirred in his soul”.

           Change in the tone of the story from pessimistic one to optimistic one lets readers to shake their heads, for it is unconventional to have a cheerful catharsis of the protagonist in the realism writing at the end. This part thus makes people to wonder if this story really is a realism piece.

           Because of its contrasting characteristic compared to Romanticism, Realism writing was often revealed in pessimistic tone. Considering that Realism marked the end to the Romanticism era where people sought values and beauties in everyday life and came out as a counter pulse, inclination of the Realists to use pessimistic tone is not very surprising. However, as long as it accurately with no needless decoration describes the actual reality, I believe that it can still be called realism writing.

          

Difference in protagonist, narrator, and writer

           But if anybody asks me whether the protagonist in the writing is in the category of romanticist, I would agree. There are many evidences that Ivan is a romanticist: the plot that he falls into catharsis by little ordinary experience is an instance. So to conclude, this story can be referred as the “realism writing about a romanticist.” Here, we have to carefully draw the line between the protagonist, narrator, and writer. Protagonist himself is a romanticist, the narrator is in third person omniscient perspective, and writer by utilizing the narrator depicts realism in a romanticist-like character. One reason some would claim this short story to be a romanticism piece lies in this reason- misconception and the fail to recognize the differences upon those three different conceptions.

           Thus, I believe that the short story “The Student” by Anton Chekhov is actually a realism-piece as most people think, and I would like to define this story as a “Scope of Realism Toward Romanticism”.

          

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Other indirect references:

http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=1509265

http://www.studentpulse.com/articles/70/anton-chekhov-and-the-development-of-the-modern-character

http://hompi.sogang.ac.kr/anthony/20CKoreanLit.pdf

Death Sentence to Furthermore Crimes

Death Sentence to Furthermore Crimes

Proposition for the Death Penalty

Submitted to: Mr. Garrioch

By: Lee Jun Suk (Seok)

Student ID: 111111

For: English Composition

On: Monday, June 11^th, 2012

We may feel the sense of horror and cruelty as the first impression towards the word ‘death penalty’. The action, killing a person, involved in this word gives us the sense that such proposition is barbaric and unethical. However, more rational approach beyond our emotional impression is required to see the real nature of this problem. Considering the effects that the death penalty towards the first-degree murderers will bring to our society, such as bringing upright order of the society, deterring the future crimes, and reducing the burden of the society for keeping a prisoner, proposition is reasonable and thus should be adapted to our society.

First of all, the death penalty benefits the society in the aspect that it brings upright order of the society. J. Budziszewki, Professor of Government and Philosophy at the Univerisity of Texas, speaks clearly about this point:

"Society is justly ordered when each person receives what is due to him. Crime disturbs this just order, for the criminal takes from people their lives, peace, liberties, and worldly goods in order to give himself undeserved benefits. Deserved punishment protects society morally by restoring this just order, making the wrongdoer pay a price equivalent to the harm he has done. This is retribution, not to be confused with revenge, which is guided by a different motive. In retribution the spur is the virtue of indignation, which answers injury with injury for public good.”(Budziszewki)

The purpose of punishment in some perspective is to give the suspected one the fair price for his action. If one does not get adequate penalty, it would harm the just order of the society. Some counter-argument for this statement will be provided in the manner that the death penalty will just play as a revenging tool, but the death penalty, which is retribution of the crime, is different from revenge in the aspect that retribution is acted until punishment is fair while revenge is acted until grievance is vanished. Also the aspect that the goal of retribution is to achieve just order of the society while goal of revenge is to achieve one’s pleasure makes the difference. Thus, the death penalty should be done in the manner of retribution of the crime in order to bring just order within the society.

Second, the death penalty fulfills a responsibility to protect the lives of innocent citizens, and enacting the death penalty may save lives by reducing the rate of violent crime. In recent years, there were some cases where the imprisoned first-degree murderers came back to the society and committed revenge to the family of victims for putting him in jail. The victims of the crime will live in fear of meeting again the criminal if the criminal has a chance of coming back to the society. The opposition, the advocates of the murderers’ rights, has to think about threatened human rights and endangered lives of victims before claiming human rights of murderers. In addition, the death penalty benefits the society by contributing in reducing the crime rate. For the case of Kansas, the murder rates per 100,000 inhabitants slowly reduced from 6.7 in 1994 to 3.5 in 2010 as they started the execution of the death penalty in 1994. The case of New York clearly shows the effect of death penalty as it is the state where it adopted death penalty in 1995 and ended the death penalty in 2007. The murder rate per 100,000 inhabitants in New York was increasing from 9.5 in 1985 to 13.3 in 1993. As it adopted the death penalty at 1995, it experienced gradual decrease from 8.5 in 1995 to 4.5 in 2010. The opposition for death penalty claims that it will have no impact in eliminating the further crimes, since one does not really think of death sentence he will get in the moment he commits a crime, but the result clearly shows the success of death penalty. The reason for this success can be found out in the social atmosphere it creates. Once the death penalty is announced within the society, the social atmosphere towards crimes will become very cold thus awakening collective intelligence for the murders. Not only statistics show the evidence of effectiveness of death penalty, but also the researches show the evidence. “I personally am opposed to the death penalty,” said H. Naci Mocan, an economist at Louisiana State University and an author of a study finding that each execution saves five lives. “But my research shows that there is a deterrent effect.”(Liptak)

Last but not least, the death penalty lessens the burdens of the society that occurs from keeping more prisoners. If death penalty is not on its place, more funding should be made for keeping murderers at prisons. "We particularly need the support and cooperation of the legislature with the immediate funding and implementation of AB 109," California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation Secretary Matthew Cate said in a statement (Martinez). Also, the director of Shrewsbury prison, Juliet Lyon, said: "Simply building more prisons is an expensive dead end. The only way to reserve prison for serious and violent offenders is to cut out all unnecessary use of breach and remand and tackle sentence inflation and the growth of indeterminate punishments (The Guardian). As more people commit crimes and therefore the demand for rooms for prisoners at instant moment is increasing at a great slope, some policy should be done about this problem. Not only spaces are the problems, but also the financial support for prisoners’ food is a considerable problem. We have to give them sufficient amount of food each day, and the financial burden of the society occurs at this moment. This money is based on the taxes gathered from innocent citizens, so the increase in the burden of society means the increase in the burden of innocent citizens right away. Death policy can solve out this two problems right away.

Opposition of the death penalty always argues that death policy is harming the basic human rights of the people by getting away their lives without their free wills. Yes, the death policy may indeed be killing a person. However, we have to think about the preventative role it will play for the society. People including victims don’t have to live in fear for meeting previous murderers, enjoy better lives with less murder rates, can spend less money for making the living for murderers. Considering the death penalty in those senses, I think the death penalty should be adapted in our society for less crime, for better future.

References

Martinez, Michael. “California officials: We'll fix prison crowding, won't free 33,000.” CNN, 24 May 2011.

The Guardian. “Two-thirds of prisons overcrowded.” The Guardian, 25 Aug. 2009.

Budziszewski. “Capital Punishment: The Case for Justice," OrthodoxyToday.org, Aug. 2004.

Liptak, Adam. “Does Death Penalty Save Lives? A New Debate.” The New York Times, 18 Nov. 2007.

THIS HOUSE SUPPORTS THE DEATH PENALTY

     Actually, this was the first debate topic that I've got when I was on the debate team in my middle school. I chose this topic not just because this issue is familiar to me, but because this is what I really advocate on. Living in Korea for more than 17 years now, I heard too much about hideous crimes and too weak punishments. Also I heard numerous cases where weak punishments about the first-degree murderer led to more grudge crimes. Murderers who had fulfilled sentences often went to kill witnesses, prosecutors, or other people involved in the court case.
     The most common opposite argument for this issue would be about the basic human rights of that criminal. They might say, even though what they have done is against our ethics and is wrong, we still don't have right to take away their rights. Furthermore, they will also argue about the sadness and tragedy that will occur to the family and close friends of the one. However, I will rebut this argument by giving two arguments which will support death penalty policy.
      The first supporting argument will be about preventative role it will play for the society. If weak punishments occurs steadily, gradually people will have less awareness about committing crimes. This will then lead to the increase in the number of crimes. The death penalty will play preventative role for further crimes and will therefore stabilize the society.
      The second argument that the proposition side can bring is that the death penalty prevents the accused from committing further crimes. As mentioned above, accused will have hatred towards the prosecutors and eventually, as other cases show us, will lead to other crimes. The death penalty for first degree murderers will thus prevent possible crime that can happen in the future.
       With those two main arguments, I strongly support for the adoption of death penalty in Korea.



Soon, I will equip myself with bunch of evidences and statistics and come back! :)

Movie scenario in free format - Garrioch's IR class

I found this idea when I was working on the Eng. class with Mrs. Choi. I was left with a piece of story, so I just put myself to work on finishing it and revising it. I will turn this piece into movie scenario by final draft soon! :)

After writing this, I feel that this is very similar to <Jigsaw>............

Decision

With shivering, you open your eyes. You are lying on the bed which is very strange. You take a look at the ceiling which is white. Turning your head, you look all four side of the room that you are in. It is all white. No spots but pure white is glancing at you. Neither chair nor any furniture is in this room. By looking at these white walls, you find yourself feel dizzy and ill. Trying to escape from those, you close your eyes. You feel better.

After about ten minutes (you are not sure because, again, there was nothing including the clock), you feel your stomach longing for a food to eat. You open your eyes once again to search for a food. By taking a close look, you find a square line in the wall that you didn’t realize before. It is like a window. You can’t open it because there is no knob. But when you were just about to crush it, the window suddenly opens. There, you find a piece of bread with a cup of milk in a square hole. you search for if there is any crack to break and escape, but it is perfect.

Soon after you finish your meal, there is a sound whelming the whole empty room.

“How was your meal? I hope you liked it because it can be the only thing to eat when you choose to stay here…... Oh, I see you wrinkling your eyebrows. From that reaction, I guess you really don’t want to stay here. Okay. I will let you take a chance to leave this room. Remember, it is only a chance. I will not let you run away easily. But don’t be frustrated. I’m only going to let you make some choices. Not that hard, not that many. Only Five choices are for you to make. But be careful, once you make those decisions, it would be irreversible. If you want to join this game, please push the door in your left. If you don’t want to, you can stay here for your rest of your life. I will provide you enough food to survive. Now, here is your first choice to make. Show me.”

     What the heck! You try to realize what led you to this Damn situation, but you couldn’t remember a thing! You even forgot your name! It is like there was an eraser in your head.

     After few thoughts, you make up your mind to take a chance to escape from here. You are sure that if you stay here anymore days, you would get insane. So, you turn left and make few approaches to the door that you didn’t realize before. Like the window, there is a big square line. The voice accepts your sign and let you pass the door. Through the hallway, you find another room with a door like the one before. It automatically opens. There you see a room that is very similar to the one which you were in, Except that there is no bed. Instead, there is a sleeping bag in the left of the room and there seems to be a person in there. On the right side, there is a TV. A reporter and interviewees are having a conversation and there are few people walking in the street. The Voice comes just right after when you wanted to have a explanation,.

           Seems to be frustrated, right? I’ll tell you how to make a decision. It’s simple. You have to choose between the man in the sleeping bag, the people in TV, and yourself. There is a button for each object on the door to next room. You push a button for the one you would kill. Then the way will reveal itself. But remember, it’s irreversible.

     Shocked at the very first moment, you soon grasp your concentration. What shall you choose? The one in a sleeping bag? people in TV? You?

Wait a second! Is there a guarantee that he will be able to kill people in TV? The voice might have a way to kill the one in the sleeping bag but there is no way it could kill all those people in TV. You soon approach to the button of the people in TV. When thoughts were spread to this, the voice speaks as if your mind is being read.

      You shouldn’t dare to choose the TV because you think I couldn’t kill them. As an example, I will kill one of people in TV. Hope you enjoy~.

Only after a second the voice gives a laughter, the one behind the reporter fall down all at sudden in a crosswalk and the car gets to tear him apart as if to make you sure that he surely died and it is not a coincidence. Screams of the people fulfills whole screen and the camera gets to be shaken for a while. You change the channel just to see if it’s fake, but other TV channels soon also reports this accident. Turn to the weather channel to see if it’s today, and you get shocked to see that it is today: The situation on the TV was real.

You stop your finger that was having its way to press the button for the TV, and panic for a while. You did nothing but just questioning the ability of the voice. However, some pressure gets to be felt in your heart. You feel guilty for it.

Now it’s obvious that this is not some kind of joke. You get to know the seriousness of situation and have a little more thought about it. Who will you choose?

Yes. You chose the one in the sleeping bag. Of course, you don’t dare to kill yourself. For the people in the TV, you think sacrificing all of them just to save one isn’t right. So you made a decision to kill the one in the sleeping bag. For the sake of more people, you think this sacrifice is justifiable.

Back to the room, there is no sound: screaming and yelling from the pain of death by the one in the sleeping bag. Only a dreadful twist in the bag makes you to realize that there was a human in the bag.

When the door opens you head right away to the next room as if you want to get rid of the decision you made. Right behind you, the button for your life, which is floating in the air, chases you tenaciously like your desire to survive.

Ah, there is a room that is very similar to the ones you met before. This time, only difference is that you have a miniature of an airplane on your right instead of TV. You know the rules.

Only this time, it took less minutes to decide. You know what you chose. This time, the one in the sleeping bag makes more harsh reaction. The one twist its own body as if it gets to be poked everywhere. By its bounce, the whole room gets to be quaked for a while. After few minutes, its reaction gets to be gradually abated, then after few more seconds, it remains still.

Unlike the one you met first, this time you don’t actually try to hide or get away from it. You watch the whole reaction like a baby try to learn something. You shake your head to wake yourself up, and go straight away to the next room. The button for your life chases you tenaciously again. Two more decisions left to make.

Again, you see similar room. You have nothing to be amazed about this room because you are quite adapted to see this room, but you get to be horrified by the object that is on your right. It is a globe.

But this amazement doesn’t change your decision. In fact, it accelerates your decision. Now, your finger presses the button automatically without any trouble.

The reaction has been exacerbated. This time, the one doesn’t only twists its whole body as if got electric shock, but also shouts and expresses its death agony. Its voice seems to be familiar to you, but you don’t have time to think about this. Your only concern is to get out of this maze and there is one more decision to go.

But your door doesn’t open unlike it had been. After few minutes of waiting, you scream and shout eagerly for the door. You try to crash the door and try to kick the door to make open, but it doesn’t work. The voice has come.

    Don’t be overwhelmed by your bad temper for I’m going to let you go. Go to where? To the real world. To where you longed for. Excited, right? Then please make your own way to the door. I will open it for you, and make sure to bring your button with you. It was so great to have time with you and I will delightfully wait to watch your last decision in the real world. Bye.

There, the door opened and the light that is very warm oozed. You grasp your button in your right hand tightly and slowly walks to that door like a soldier camouflaged in the forest. You get to speed up slowly and finally you put the first step on the other side of that door.

Because of bright light that were shining on you, you couldn’t open your eyes, instead, you grope for the right way to go. One, two, four, ten, fifteen, thirty, hundred steps it became and you finally reached the end.

Yes! It is something different than white! Instead, the mood seems to be gloomy and black is the major color and concept of this situation! It is a real world! I could see a lot of people standing in the black suit. But, wait. Where are you standing?

By the mood and clothing of people I can guess that this is a funeral. Funeral for whom? You break in the troop of people and go to the front of the troop. There, you saw some pictures that are in a frame with two black lines on the upper side. They are pictures of your dear friend, your dad, and your mom.

Still for a while, you make a final irreversible decision. Like the rat in the last.

Where do you see when you walk? (Photo Essay)

Where do you see when you walk? (Photo Essay)

Junsuk Lee

<Polaris>

Sometimes I feel like everything is so vague. I feel like I'm walking on a cloud. Try not to fall, I always lowered my head and looked at the path just in front of my toes. In that way, I was able to be ensured that I'm actually 'walking', and I'm not falling to the ground.

These sentences may seem abstract, but these describe my behavior towards life at my very best. People say in life there are three kinds of goals which you can look up to and aim for. First is long-term goal, second is mid-term goal, and the last is short-term goal. Above these three kinds of goals, I only aimed at the last one: short-term goal. Maybe it was because long-term goal and mid-term goal seemed so vague. Maybe it's because I felt insecure just to look at long-term goals. I only had one pair of eyes, so to choose from those, I only aimed at short-term goals, until there was a change in my life at middle school.

So basically what I did in my middle school was just focusing on what was given by teachers. I tried to participate in class, do well on given projects, get good scores on given exams. What they just asked me was quite simple, and after finishing what was given, I went  out and hung around with my friends, usually heading to karaoke or PC room. Yes. I was passive. I didn't really had concerns about what I'm going to be at future. All that mattered to me was the present.

But fortunately, there was a strong impulse from the heaven. A series of coincidence that led me to KMLA were given in my path and captured my very narrow perspective. I unintentionally was able to be a member in Korean debate team of my school, and that year, surprisingly being fortunate, middle school debate competition managed by the mayor of the Namyangju city was first held. Because it was the first competition held ever, it was quite easy to acquire the high place. And also thanks to the other two excellent members in my team, I was lucky to get the first place in the first held Namyangju city middle school debate competition.

Then, based on the first place we've acquired on city-level competition, I was able to participate in provincial debate competition. Already expected, it was much harder than city-level competition. After having a rigorous debate with Chung-Shim International Middle-school, we decisively lost and had to be satisfied getting the 4th place.

Those coincidence was already too much for me. However, it didn't stop as the phone bell rang to my adviser teacher from Chung-Shim middle school after a year passed from those fortunes. They asked me and my teammates to join their debate team going out for KMLA Middle School Debate Contest, since it required four members. They said they got good impression of us at the competition, and called us when the members were needed. One of three members in each team now had graduated, so without fight we four had united and went again to the ruthless battlefield; this time, as allies.

I'd say this time it was very unlucky because we only got 4th place. Every team in the debate said that we deserve the first place, but somehow we couldn't satisfy the evaluators and only had to cease our march at the semi-final.

But the matter of getting the first place or fourth place is not important here. What is important is that somehow the impulse of coincidence led me to look at KMLA. A bunch of series of coincidence led me to actually see KMLA and dream of myself going to KMLA. I even had insomnia because I couldn't stop thinking about the life of KMLA and preparing for the entrance interview. Other than playing guitar, it was the first goal I actively dreamed of. It was my first mid-term goal.

So my sight had been upraised. I was now trying to see a little bit more than what was given at my toes. I now aimed for mid-term goal: going to KMLA. For the first few months, it was so hard to manage to look at both goals. I had to focus on the study for KMLA math and Korean language contest while getting high enough scores on my current school. But after finally getting the entrance letter from KMLA, I now got used to it, and now searched for the profound goal: the long-term goal.

As it always did, the coincidence again happened upon me. On my usual way to home from school, I saw a poor street-food selling old man. He was selling sugar cookie (뽑기/Bbob-Ki). Seeing this old man had so much importance on my life and on my vision, because I saw a little printed title in his bike: "National Honorees".

As far as I know, the title "National Honorees" was only given to people who almost sacrificed their lives. And the man in front of me earned that title. But looking at his status quo, I just couldn't understand this country. How could they treat him like this when he devoted his life for this country? I was very shocked at that moment that I even still remember the menu and the price of sugar cookies; 1 for 300 won and 3 for 800 won. I didn't know anything for sure, but I knew something was wrong. This surely inspired me and led me to have interest in politics. This was the seed for my profound thoughts about what I am going to be when I go up. And because of big influence this had on my mind, I sort of became muckrakers and dreamed of myself at future changing my nation. From this moment, I settled up my mind and found my own long-term goal: becoming the President of South Korea.

And that picture is related to my ambitious long-term goal. On the winter of 2011, I fortunately had a chance to go to Yeoido Youth Forum for students who are interested in politics, and was lucky to go to National Assembly of Korea. That picture above is the picture that I've taken in National Assembly. The background image is a imitation of the office of the President. It was just a imitation. Yet, I felt something overwhelming my entire body, and came to have confidence at my marathon to achieve my long-term goal.

Still, nothing changed. Still my long-term goal, becoming the President of South Korea,  is ambiguous because of its significance and its characteristic. There are no such things as guidelines or degrees to become the President. You have to make up your own way. However, I am now able to manage to look at short-term goals, mid-term goals, long-term goals at the same time. Sequentially looking at all three goals one by one was what I found as a solution to manage three goals at the same time. Whenever I become lazy or obsessed with current problems, I try to look at my long-term goal and shave myself again to achieve my bright future. I sometimes use this photo as a mean to keep me conscious and restrain myself from being lazy. Walking with your eyes only focused right in front of your toes may prevent you from falling, but it wouldn't lead you to anywhere. You at least need Polaris to find your current location and final destination. And this photo is a compass and Polaris for my ambitious goal.

Photo Essay!

I recently had a trip to myself, thanks to the photo essay that Mr. Garrioch has given us. I needed to find some photos that I've taken, and through the process I realized that I didn't took much of photos. There were things I really wanted to say about myself, but I couldn't find appropriate photos that will supplement my essay. Considering the amount of photos that I'm available with, this assignment, photo essay, seemed really IMPOSSIBLE.

However, thanks to my peers, I was able to find some good photos of me which I can interpret and explain about myself. So here are some lists of them which I want to use in  my photo essay:

Lay Down On The Lie - three sides story

Lay Down On The Lie - Three sides story

Paul Junsuk Lee

Doctor Graham - 1^st perspective

I’m sick of watching their faces as I tell them a ‘death sentence’. They treat us similarly to the judges of the court. Yet the judge actually contributes in making the decision, but we, doctors, do nothing in making the news. We are in fact just delivering the news. Despite this bitter fact, everyone who comes to my office and hears about their sickness and how much time they are left with begs me all the time. I hate their begging. I hate their cacophonic noise. I hate their deafened cries. I hate their tears. I hate myself who can do nothing in this kind of situation.

Above all, what puts me into the most vicious dilemma is whether to tell the patient about their serious disease or not. After telling them their diseases, I just can seat and watch. In that situation I feel no guiltiness (but maybe some annoyance) since it has nothing to do with me, but this situation, when I have to choose whether to tell the patient the truth or not, really knocks me off.

“Doctor?” said a woman sitting in front of me who curiously and anxiously watch my lips for the answer.

Oh, yes. I was having a meeting with Lucy Anderson, the wife of the patient named Paul Anderson. She came to my office to hear about the result of examination of her husband. As you expect, the result was pitiful; he could only live up to a week at the maximum.

“Oh, yes, madam. I was kind of out of my mind. You see, this job really drives the one insane.” But these light words and light smile didn’t really lessen the concern of the one in my front.

“So what’s the result, Dr. Graham?”

“Well…… Before I tell you the result, I ask for your understanding that I really tried my best to,” Before I even finish my sentence, she burst into tears.

I then waited few minutes for her to calm down. She finally accepted her situation.

“So what’s the result?” She murmured. Now I need a straight fastball for this woman to fully accept the reality.

“A cancer: Gastric cancer in the very last stage. You may have to prepare for the parting. He may not see the sunrise next Monday.”

One thing is very clear. You may hesitate to tell the truth to the patient, but you should never hesitate to tell the truth to the family of the patient. The reality is so harsh. They HAVE to prepare for the funeral.

“Mrs. Anderson, I didn’t tell Mr. Anderson about this yet. I’ll leave this job to you. You may choose whether to tell him or not.”

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Lucy Anderson – 3^rd perspective

‘How rude and ruthless man this doctor is? He could have addressed those words nicely to me, but he showed me no concern of how would I feel.’ She complained in her mind. Her hands were shaking endlessly, so she hid them under the desk and placed on her thighs.

“So is there no way that he can survive?” Nevertheless she couldn’t hide the shaking in her voice.

“There are always possibilities. It’s just that they are sometimes too low. Well, Mrs. Anderson, I recommend you to not rely on those possibilities this time.”

All of his words were slamming her heart. She couldn’t endure more, so she got up and left the room. He slashed her heart, so does she did with the door.

As she walked through the aisle of the hospital and went to the elevator, her only thoughts were restrained to the ‘job’ and the ‘choice’ she now has to make. On her way to the parking lot where her husband was waiting in the car, she went to the restroom. A silent cry then fulfilled the room. After few minutes, the door was open, and after few more minutes, she came out with her tears hidden by the make-up. But still she couldn’t hide her blurred cheeks.

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Paul Anderson – 2^nd perspective

You are waiting in the car. You actually saw everything. When your wife drove into the parking lot and asked you to wait in the car while she gets the result of the examination, you sneaked up on her and followed her just before she went into Dr. Graham’s office. You slowly took a step forward to the door, and through the chink of the slightly opened door, you hear EVERYTHING. Feeling dizzy and hard to breathe, you ran to the parking lot. You try to escape from the reality, but you fail and stops right before the parking lot. Feeling dizzy and hard to breathe, you go to the restroom. You pour water to your face several times, but you couldn’t wake up from this hurtful reality. You then lay powerlessly.

‘So f**ked up’, you think.

‘I’ve done nothing wrong. I didn’t smoke, I didn’t drink, and I didn’t do anything wrong to others to get this awful situation. I don’t deserve this.’

Just as soon as you were about to throw your phone, you hear a small cry that is more like a murmuring. You feel familiar with that voice, and soon you realize that the voice is the voice of your wife. The pity for yourself now alters to the pity for your wife, thinking how she would have been surprised to hear it directly and how hard it will be to live after you die. As your thoughts flow like this, small noise stops. You, then run to your car and sat there as if nothing happened. After few more minutes, your wife approaches to you and sit in the driver seat.

“Um… so what’s the result?” Already knowing the truth, you still ask this question to act normally.

“Well, the doctor says it’s quite infectious, but nothing serious.” She clearly speaks after gathering her voice for few seconds.

“Quite infectious, you say? Ah, don’t worry. I’m not gonna infect this to you.” You wittily say.

She bitterly smiles, and the air inside the car becomes silent. About 10 minutes later, you arrive at your home.

“Before going in, would you like to have some Ddeokbokki(떡볶이), honey?” She asks.

“No thanks, not this time, I’m quite full.” You reply.

“What about some chips?”

“Uhm…. Nope.”

“Some fishcakes(어묵)? It’s your favorite food.”

You don’t really want it, but it seems like she is so eager to buy something for you, so you accept.

After buying some fishcakes(어묵), you and your wife walk into the apartment. The air is so cold. In the elevator going up to 11^th floor, you and your wife avoids eye-contact. Eyes are only moving meaninglessly, and then dropped, meaninglessly gazing at the ground.

You step forward on the elevator reaches 11^th floor and you stand right in front of the door lock. You slowly put in the passwords.

She suddenly hugs you from the back.

“Let’s just be like this for a minute…….” She says with somber voice.

“Come on, honey. You’ll be infected.” You brightly say to chill out her.

“I…. wish I could get infected……” Her voice slowly starts to crumble.

You slowly grab the hands hugging your waist. She then lays her head to you.