Lay Down On The Lie - Three sides story
Paul Junsuk Lee
Doctor Graham - 1st perspective
I’m sick of watching their faces as I tell them a ‘death sentence’. They treat us similarly to the judges of the court. Yet the judge actually contributes in making the decision, but we, doctors, do nothing in making the news. We are in fact just delivering the news. Despite this bitter fact, everyone who comes to my office and hears about their sickness and how much time they are left with begs me all the time. I hate their begging. I hate their cacophonic noise. I hate their deafened cries. I hate their tears. I hate myself who can do nothing in this kind of situation.
Above all, what puts me into the most vicious dilemma is whether to tell the patient about their serious disease or not. After telling them their diseases, I just can seat and watch. In that situation I feel no guiltiness (but maybe some annoyance) since it has nothing to do with me, but this situation, when I have to choose whether to tell the patient the truth or not, really knocks me off.
“Doctor?” said a woman sitting in front of me who curiously and anxiously watch my lips for the answer.
Oh, yes. I was having a meeting with Lucy Anderson, the wife of the patient named Paul Anderson. She came to my office to hear about the result of examination of her husband. As you expect, the result was pitiful; he could only live up to a week at the maximum.
“Oh, yes, madam. I was kind of out of my mind. You see, this job really drives the one insane.” But these light words and light smile didn’t really lessen the concern of the one in my front.
“So what’s the result, Dr. Graham?”
“Well…… Before I tell you the result, I ask for your understanding that I really tried my best to,” Before I even finish my sentence, she burst into tears.
I then waited few minutes for her to calm down. She finally accepted her situation.
“So what’s the result?” She murmured. Now I need a straight fastball for this woman to fully accept the reality.
“A cancer: Gastric cancer in the very last stage. You may have to prepare for the parting. He may not see the sunrise next Monday.”
One thing is very clear. You may hesitate to tell the truth to the patient, but you should never hesitate to tell the truth to the family of the patient. The reality is so harsh. They HAVE to prepare for the funeral.
“Mrs. Anderson, I didn’t tell Mr. Anderson about this yet. I’ll leave this job to you. You may choose whether to tell him or not.”
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Lucy Anderson – 3rd perspective
‘How rude and ruthless man this doctor is? He could have addressed those words nicely to me, but he showed me no concern of how would I feel.’ She complained in her mind. Her hands were shaking endlessly, so she hid them under the desk and placed on her thighs.
“So is there no way that he can survive?” Nevertheless she couldn’t hide the shaking in her voice.
“There are always possibilities. It’s just that they are sometimes too low. Well, Mrs. Anderson, I recommend you to not rely on those possibilities this time.”
All of his words were slamming her heart. She couldn’t endure more, so she got up and left the room. He slashed her heart, so does she did with the door.
As she walked through the aisle of the hospital and went to the elevator, her only thoughts were restrained to the ‘job’ and the ‘choice’ she now has to make. On her way to the parking lot where her husband was waiting in the car, she went to the restroom. A silent cry then fulfilled the room. After few minutes, the door was open, and after few more minutes, she came out with her tears hidden by the make-up. But still she couldn’t hide her blurred cheeks.
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Paul Anderson – 2nd perspective
You are waiting in the car. You actually saw everything. When your wife drove into the parking lot and asked you to wait in the car while she gets the result of the examination, you sneaked up on her and followed her just before she went into Dr. Graham’s office. You slowly took a step forward to the door, and through the chink of the slightly opened door, you hear EVERYTHING. Feeling dizzy and hard to breathe, you ran to the parking lot. You try to escape from the reality, but you fail and stops right before the parking lot. Feeling dizzy and hard to breathe, you go to the restroom. You pour water to your face several times, but you couldn’t wake up from this hurtful reality. You then lay powerlessly.
‘So f**ked up’, you think.
‘I’ve done nothing wrong. I didn’t smoke, I didn’t drink, and I didn’t do anything wrong to others to get this awful situation. I don’t deserve this.’
Just as soon as you were about to throw your phone, you hear a small cry that is more like a murmuring. You feel familiar with that voice, and soon you realize that the voice is the voice of your wife. The pity for yourself now alters to the pity for your wife, thinking how she would have been surprised to hear it directly and how hard it will be to live after you die. As your thoughts flow like this, small noise stops. You, then run to your car and sat there as if nothing happened. After few more minutes, your wife approaches to you and sit in the driver seat.
“Um… so what’s the result?” Already knowing the truth, you still ask this question to act normally.
“Well, the doctor says it’s quite infectious, but nothing serious.” She clearly speaks after gathering her voice for few seconds.
“Quite infectious, you say? Ah, don’t worry. I’m not gonna infect this to you.” You wittily say.
She bitterly smiles, and the air inside the car becomes silent. About 10 minutes later, you arrive at your home.
“Before going in, would you like to have some Ddeokbokki(떡볶이), honey?” She asks.
“No thanks, not this time, I’m quite full.” You reply.
“What about some chips?”
“Uhm…. Nope.”
“Some fishcakes(어묵)? It’s your favorite food.”
You don’t really want it, but it seems like she is so eager to buy something for you, so you accept.
After buying some fishcakes(어묵), you and your wife walk into the apartment. The air is so cold. In the elevator going up to 11th floor, you and your wife avoids eye-contact. Eyes are only moving meaninglessly, and then dropped, meaninglessly gazing at the ground.
You step forward on the elevator reaches 11th floor and you stand right in front of the door lock. You slowly put in the passwords.
She suddenly hugs you from the back.
“Let’s just be like this for a minute…….” She says with somber voice.
“Come on, honey. You’ll be infected.” You brightly say to chill out her.
“I…. wish I could get infected……” Her voice slowly starts to crumble.
You slowly grab the hands hugging your waist. She then lays her head to you.
